Super personal, but I need to get it out

I've only told one person about this, and he doesn't even know everything about it. Oh gosh, it's so hard even to type it out. I feel so disgusting.

So, I was sleeping over at my friend K's house one night. We somehow got on the topic of, you know, sexual stuff. We gradually started talking about it more, and she ended up surprising me. She'd said one of the first things she thought of when she met me (or saw me for the first time, can't remember), she wanted to suck on my breasts. I was pretty shocked that she would think something like that, because she seemed like one of the somewhat quiet, yet outgoing, sweet and innocent girls.

She also asked me if I would let her feel my boobs. I refused, and she said okay. But, being you, naive, and curious, I later told her she could if she wanted to. To make a long story short, it led to some other things, which I can't bring myself to write about (like anyone would want to know anyways). However, I felt overcome with guilt and asked her to stop, which she did. I don't think it was only guilt, though. I think I felt violated somehow. I mean, I did give her permission to do what she did, and I even wanted her to. But after a while, I just felt guilty, as well as that violated feeling.

There was only one more "incident" like that after that sleepover. She did some "stuff" to me, and asked me if I wanted to kiss her. Believe it or not, kissing I treat very sacredly. I want my first kiss to be with a GUY that I LOVE, and I wouldn't want to kiss a girl anyways, so I told her no. However, she kept pressing on about it. After asking her to stop asking numerous times, she stopped. I decided to not do stuff with her anymore after that, although we still do talk about sexual things (but about guys).

Things were a bit different on Friday, when she slept over at my house. I was feeling really upset, and she asked if I wanted to kiss her. It caught me off guard, to say the least. She told me it would make me feel better. I told her, and have told her, why I don't want to kiss her, and I've (obviously) told her I wouldn't kiss her. Yet she still kept bugging me about it. It made me feel so uncomfortable, as if we had actually kissed. It took me forever to get her to drop it. I felt so jittery about it, and she could sense that something was wrong. Fortunately, she believed it was for another reason.

By now, I hate being around her. I feel like she wants to do stuff with me a lot, or that she'll molest me. Now, the latter is kind of far-fetched, but what can I say? I get pretty paranoid about it. I wish we'd never had that first conversation about sexual things, and I wish she'd stop asking me to kiss her. It makes my skin crawl.

Please, don't say anything negative about any of this. I know you guys probably wouldn't do that, but still....

She try to get in to your skirt. ;] well i agree with you that sometimes it's awkward when people talk about sex, especialy close friends. I've similar experiences while on summer camps, girl scout camps and sleep overs... I still remember what happened in Noginsk city, while on a scout camp. A girl touched me under shower in sexual way but she was straight. :] Don't think about it much. I think she might want to try new things or she is having a gay side. And something as same as that happened when we were in Voskresensk 3 years ago. We were on a trip on summer vacation 3 years ago. We few girls got drunken and did touching and kissing. Well we close friends have done things ( that can not write ) many times and when thinking about those things i feel sad because i'm living far away from them. I love when they get drunk so it's easy to kiss them and touch them. My girls sometimes keep me saying i'm too much and i stop when they tell me to stop. Don't let her do things you if you don't want to. She's using you sweetie. Don't go far if you don't want because it will hurt your friendship in the end.

TatyanaSimonovich wrote:She try to get in to your skirt. ;] well i agree with you that sometimes it's awkward when people talk about sex, especialy close friends. I've similar experiences while on summer camps, girl scout camps and sleep overs... I still remember what happened in Noginsk city, while on a scout camp. A girl touched me under shower in sexual way but she was straight. :] Don't think about it much. I think she might want to try new things or she is having a gay side. And something as same as that happened when we were in Voskresensk 3 years ago. We were on a trip on summer vacation 3 years ago. We few girls got drunken and did touching and kissing. Well we close friends have done things ( that can not write ) many times and when thinking about those things i feel sad because i'm living far away from them. I love when they get drunk so it's easy to kiss them and touch them. My girls sometimes keep me saying i'm too much and i stop when they tell me to stop. Don't let her do things you if you don't want to. She's using you sweetie. Don't go far if you don't want because it will hurt your friendship in the end.

Yeah, it was my first time discussing sex with someone, so it was definitely awkward I think she might be bi, because she told me she's done things with other girls before, and she apparently still wants to. Haha, it's good that you stop when they tell you to stop. Most people would probably try to push the limits. Yeah, I do get the feeling she's using me. I mean, we don't always talk about sex, or anything sexual for that matter. But, she gets pretty pushy when we do. She's normally not the kind of person to pressure someone into doing something, but she just wouldn't drop the kissing thing. It makes me scared that eventually she'll try something when we have a sleepover, and I'm asleep (or when she thinks I'm asleep).

my first kiss was my ex best friend. She was talking about a guy she kissed. I asked her to teach me how to kiss a person. I said i was never kissed before. So she kissed me after i was asking few times and we kissed few more times for practising. :] miss old days. Don't go to her place for sleepovers, because she might force you