*hesitates* *opens and closes mouth as if trying to speak*

I don't even know what to say... All I can say is, no matter how lucky I got this weekend, it still didn't help the heartbreak of today. Apparently, Kaitlin found out that Brady (the guy I've liked for a while now) likes some girl named Mary. Great. Out of the the two guys that I like, the only that I seem to have a chance with ends up liking someone else. Am I cursed or something? This ALWAYS happens. Why have all of the guys that I ever liked rejected me?

But anyways, I realized that I actually like Drake more than I thought. I don't think I'm in love with him, but I'm starting to think he might end up being my soul mate. And no, I'm not just saying that because I like him a lot. I've never felt this way about anyone. It's such a strange feeling. There's something that seems so different about him... special. And I'm never able to get over him. No matter what happens, I'll think about him every day, and get butterflies when I think of him.

Problem is, I don't even know if our friendship will last. I feel so awkward around him these days. Plus, I'm so desperate to cover up my feelings for him, that I simply avoid him. Barely look at him, don't say hi, nothing. I sometimes make eye contact, and sometimes I do say hi, but I try to keep it as brief as possible. Yet, I want him to stop, and talk to me for a long time. Today, all he did was do this weird bow thing while walking past me instead of being a normal person and saying hello to me (so typically Drake), and when I laughed, it was more like a straining sob. There I was, in the church parking lot, starting to sob. I basically cried but without the actual tears. And let me tell you, it's rare for me to cry at all. It's only if I'm really upset.

Point is, I'm screwed, my love life is screwed, my emotions are screwed! Whatever though. The only person who seems to care about it is me, which is my fault, because I haven't really told anyone. I hate bottling this up.